Brittany

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 21:53:26 GMT

Seer

The ULTIMATE personality test
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Fri, 01 Aug 2003 00:48:45 GMT

THE NEXT PERSON WHO SAYS I LOOK LIKE KELLY OSBOURNE WILL DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH.

Wed, 23 Jul 2003 08:14:42 GMT

I love Josh.

Let the fun begin.

Wed, 02 Jul 2003 03:39:02 GMT

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Brittany Alexandra Huddleston. -.-;;
-- Birth date: June 3rd, 1987
-- Birthplace: Laffayette, Louisiana.
-- Current Location: Columbus fuckin' Georgia.
-- Eye Color: Greeeeeen
-- Hair Color: Black
-- Height: 5'6"
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Gemini

LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: CAJUN IS FUN!!! Mostly english/irish/german, but theres some french in there too.
-- The shoes you wore today: Long black boots with spikes.
-- Your weakness: Penises and baby aminals wif no mommies.But mostly penises.
-- Your fears: Being alone. Nothing scares me more than that, except for dolls. Seriously, dolls are fuckin' creepy.
-- Your perfect pizza: Sbarro's has the best pizza ever.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: I want to have a comic published by Slave Labor...and I want a Horse and Exotic Animal Rescue/Sanctuary.

LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: "::cries::"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: "What keeps biting my toes?"
-- Your best physical feature: I don't HAVE any good physical features.
-- Your bedtime: Around 4 AM, usually.
-- Your most missed memory: May 8th, 2002, 7:08 P.M.

LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: Rarely.
-- Curse: "Mommy, Brittany said the "F" word..."
-- Sing: Badly, when no ones around.
-- Take a shower everyday: sometimes 3 times a day.
-- Have a crush:::snort:: Too many to count. But I lovses Josh.
-- Do you think you've been in love: I KNOW I've been in love. Twice.
-- Want to go to college: No, but I am.
-- Like(d) high school: Sure, I love being talking about and having my stuff stolen.
-- Want to get married: Yes. Now.
-- Believe in yourself: ::snort:: Sure, why not.
-- Get motion sickness: Only if I attempt to read in the car.
-- Think you're attractive: Um, I wouldn't have sex with me.
-- Think you're a health freak: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ::Chokes on handfulls of cookies::
-- Get along with your parent(s): Sure I don't.
-- Like thunderstorms: Thunderstorms make me feel all warm and snuggly and sleepy.
-- Play an instrument: A little piano.

LAYER SIX:

-- Drank alcohol: Yes.
-- Smoked: Sure
-- Done a Drug: Yes.
-- Had Sex: That depends o, your definition of sex.
-- Gone to the mall?: Unfortunately.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Not at once.
-- Eaten sushi: ::EATS ALL THE GODDAMN SUSHI::
-- Been on stage: Er...Yeah, with my brother's band, but that doesn't really count.
-- Been dumped: ::Sigh::
-- Gone skating: Ick. Yes.

LAYER SEVEN:
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing:I don't have to answer any of your goddamn questions.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Drunk Spanky is the most disturbing thing ever.
-- Been caught "doing something": ::blushes:: Once...
-- Been called a tease: Josh::"TEASY MCTEASE-A-LOT!"
-- Gotten beaten up: Yes.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: NO, GODDAMMIT, NO! My mother thinks so though. But she also thinks that my sister is a good kid.

LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: Now, goddammit. NOW.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: A boy named Ness, and possibly girl named Lilith.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: In the woods with a long white dress and gloves, and AXL SHALL BE THE RINGBEARER!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
-- How do you want to die: Ugh, that's the last thing I want to think about right now.
-- Where you want to go to college: I'm stuck going to CSU, unfortunately.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Comic artist/animal behaviorist.
-- What country would you most like to visit:

LAYER NINE:
In a guy
-- Best eye color? paaaale green, like, almost white.
-- Best hair color? Black.
-- Short or long hair: Black spiked hair or long wavy red hair.
-- height:shorter than me.
-- Best weight: Scrawny
-- Best articles of clothing: Trenchcoat
-- Best first date location: Anywhere
-- Best first kiss location: Somewhere quiet.

LAYER TEN:
-- # of drugs taken illegally: ::shrug::
-- # of people I could trust with my life: 4...you know who you are.
-- # of CDs that I own: over 200.
-- # of piercings: just my ears at the moment.
-- # of tattoos: none
-- # of scars on my body: Way too many to count
-- # of things in my past that I regret: ...three...

I am kinky.

Wed, 02 Jul 2003 01:09:49 GMT

kinky isn't a feather...its using the whole damn
chicken! and you kno it. you are so kinky that
even you are afraid of yourself sometimes.

What type of SEX do You enjoy?
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Fri, 27 Jun 2003 16:11:59 GMT

Hmm....so it seems I haven't updated in a while. Surprise, surprise.
So school is out, I'm still with Josh. I don't even know what the hell to say about him. I care about him, I do. I believe it may be this terrible paranoia that I can't seem to shake off that's keeping me from really getting too close. I hide this well, i think, but I'm angry that I have to hide anything at all from him. I also can't stop fucking dwelling on the past.
Will knows how bloody horrible I am about that.
Its keeping me from moving forward, and I think that in the end it'll ruin more than a few of my friendships, and most certainly my relationship with Josh. I just try to hide it from him, maybe If I keep my feelings well covered I can hold them off from taking away the few things that keep me sane. I dread the day that I can't keep them hidden anymore....
Called Will last night....we talked for a bit, I started my usual depressive whiny bullshit, and probably suceeded in pissing him off.It didn't seem to make him angry, but It probably did...I seem to be good at that, making the only people I care about hate me.
Christ, that sounded angsty.
And then theres "Him," who has finally, actually returned. And what's so fucking surprising about this is the fact that I don't really care. He's so different now. He wants us to get back together...but I'm not so sure I want to, and its the most confusing thing ever. For over a year I cried my eyes out every night and prayed that he'd come back, and then he did, and....I came to the realization that I can never get back what we had. Any attempt might leave a dirty little stain on the beauty of Before, and Before is the only beauty I have to remember. I want to hang onto it, to put it in a little box and take it out when I need a reminder that there IS something better. I'm so scared of ruining my memories that I don't even want to TRY to make anymore.
I've come to believe that I'm in love with who he was, not who he is now, and I can't change him. The logical thing would be to give up, to move on, to let it go, correct? ::Grin::
As I explained above, I'm not so good at that. Dwelling, and all. No, I'll cling to the memories, and tell myself that he hasn't changed, that its just me, or that I can change him back. I'll keep e-mailing him, keep staring at my buddy list for hours hoping he'll sign on, and then make pitiful attempts at conversation, while he tells me everything is fine, that we can get back together, that we'll try again.
He doesn't understand, and I'm not so sure that I do either.
I'll keep giggling at my parents, pretending that everything is fine, that life is just fucking lovely. I think they know as well as I do how I really feel, or perhaps I'm giving them too much credit. I act like a bloody idiot around them, and Josh as well, trying so hard to act like everything is great. It comes out when I'm really upset about something, at the point I let go and I can't hide it anymore, but they just assume its all part of my little tantrum, that I'm doing it to get what I want.I can't make them understand because I don't understand. I want to be a normal teenager with normal friends and a normal life. It seems I've wanted since Iwas old enough to know that I was ..different. Its something I've accepted that I'm never going to achieve. Other people have always noticed that I was different. I was always the little intellectual, I liked to read, and then sit and think about things. To sit out on the playground in first grade and catch lizards, and I thought most of the things others did to be so trivial. Then when I got to middle school, it was my appearance, I was the ugly girl, the one other kids joked about and then pretended to be nice to. I tried so hard to be like them, to wear their clothes, and listen to their music, to talk like them, just...to fit in. and it never worked. They knew as well as I did that it was an act, this wasn't me, and they saw through it. And then in high school everything changed. I was accepted, I actually FIT IN somewhere, I actually belonged. And then for some reason, this scared the hell out of me. I decided I didn't WANT to belong, I didn't want to be labeled, to be boxed into some horrid little group of people I didn't really like. Their conversations were just as trivial, they were just as judgemental, if not moreso.
So I've slowly started fading out of their group. I'm happier to sit in the art room and work on my various projects, I think, than stand around making fun of the popular people. The popular people are bad they say, because they're so bloody judgemental. We must make fun of them because they don't share our tastes in music and clothes. A bit hypocritical, aren't we? But see if they'll understand. See if ANYONE will ever understand. I've stopped bloody trying.
I've decided that I'm better off on my own, I have four people who I can really call friends, and that's more than most people. I try to be grateful. Still, I feel...unsatisfied. Theres something missing, something I can't quite place...theres a hole there, and |I have no clue how to fill it.
I want my parents to understand so badly.I don't know WHY I need them to understand, but I do. I want them to know that their daughter IS sorry for being a failure, but she just can't help it. That I know suceeding in school is critical for my future, but that I simply can't concentrate, All I can think about is filling that void that I KNOW is there, but I don't know why, or what I need to fill it. I want to be happy so badly, that's ALL I want. I feel like I can't cope with school or anything else until I'm happy, or at least content enough to function. But I don't know what I need to do to achieve this; it seems everything I try just makes things worse.
Thats another thing, school. I failed geometry.I tried like hell, I spent a few hours a night sitting and just staring, trying to make sense of whatever was on the screen, but even with tutoring I couldn't, and I didn't do my work fast enough. I can't explain this tothem. They'd laugh if I told them I spent hours at it, crying because I simply couldn't make myself understand, and knowing what the consequences would be if I couldn't make something click, and fast. They took my computer. The confusing thing is that I'm not that upset. Could it be that I'm beginning to push my real friends away as well? But that can't be it, I cling to them like never before..I know everything is falling apart, and I must somehow desperately cling and hold everything together.
I got my learners, finally. Went driving yesterday. Didn't kill anyone, at least.
Got the new Harry Potter book last friday, I stood in a bloody Barnes and Noble full of geeks that smelled like cabbage for five hours....worth it, I suppose.Met a few nice people, but none worth making a lasting friendship with.
Went to Hot Topic with my dad and sister monday...I love that store. Everyone in there stands around and talks like one big freaking family and you feel so bloody accepted in there you don't want to leave. Silly, I know, but I wish we had a Hot Topic here, though the people that would shop there, me living in Columbus and all, would be a bit questionable.
Whatever, I got three T-shirts anyway, a few comic books I've been desperately wanting, and two CD's, Jewel-Spirit, and Dead Can Dance- Into the Labyrinth.
Not so pleased with the DCD album...they have a few good songs, but they weren't as nice as I'd expected, with all the lovely things I've heard.
Hmm...What else...
I may be getting to see Josh soon. I hope so, anyway. I care abourt him more than I want to admit.
Will cut all of his hair off. ::Sigh:: I could go on forever about how much that upsets me.
Theres so much more to say, but no time. Feelings that aren't even clear enough to put into words...just sitting there, faintly nagging at me.
I suppose I'll end it here.
Until another time, then.
Spanky

This entry doesn't make any sense, its bits and pieces of random mental sewage that I tried my best to piece together into something coherent, and I'm not so sure that I succeeded.

Fri, 27 Jun 2003 14:43:48 GMT

You Are Heroin! Your IQ is probably 'above
average' or 'high' but you don't give a shit.
Nobody 'get's it' anyway. You remember a time
when you were happy although you know you'll
never be again. The fact that you are still
alive and kicking shows some hope which is good
because the world needs more people like you,
believe it or not. Get on methadone and get
your life together.

Which Drug Are You?
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Tue, 18 Feb 2003 04:37:29 GMT

"The passions that drive us should be the ones we respect and admire. To feel contempt for ones own motivations is a vulgar thing. Too often, it seems I've succumbed to less than admirable compulsions driven by this furiously reprehensible machine of mine. So many things inside that I can do without - desires and urges and whatnot. So extreneous. By the time I write in this book again, I hope to be as cold as the moon that lights this page."

That explains precisely how I feel right now. JtHM...ya gotta love Johnny.
Oh, and guess what? "He" came back. What fun....and he says he doesnt love me anymore.

But really, I'm in no mood to mope and whine. Though thats probably what I'll end up doing anyway.

After he said He didnt love me anymore, he said he wanted to go back out with me. Hard to imagine that people are more messed up mentally than I am. Oh well. I'll always love the little monkey, as crazy as he is.
What else....oh, Will isn't talking to me anymore. He got tired of my complaining. Can't say that I blame him.

I'm also completely sick of this church thing. It seemed like a good iea for a while, now its just tedious. Nothing like getting up early on Sundays to go somewhere to listen to old people talk about something youre not quite sure you believe in.

That reminds me! The people at school are completely ignoring me. Apparently I'm a poser, because I'm not completely obsessed with having the "most gothic" clothes, and listening to the "right" music. And because There are things more important to me than sitting around and pointing out all the "posers."
So I'm being shunned and ignored by people I don't really like anyway. Oh raging horror.
It does get lonely though. Thank god for the internet.
Hmm...I'm going to go paint or something. I need to do something creative. My head hurts.

Thu, 02 Jan 2003 09:05:57 GMT

I like punk rock.
I like 60's and 70's pop rock.
I like Hair Bands.
I like new age mood music.
I think hippies are awesome.
The world should be run by hippies.
I like guys with long blonde hair.
I like guys with Black spikey hair.
I like piercings
I like tatoos.
I like Disney movies.
Julia Roberts movies make me cry.
I like that fact that my mom likes Guns N Roses.
I like staring at pictures of Will, because he has the best blue eyes.
I wish I still believed in Santa Clause.
I like how Robbie lets me expell all of my mental sewage without judging me or telling me to shut up.
I love how Luke got mad when I called him cute.
I love how Will gets mad when I say he looks like Axl Rose.
I love how blissfully innocent little kids are.
I like how animals smell.
I like the way rain smells.
I like how it looks when theres a single candle lighting a room.
I like reading.
I like it when guys cover their jackets with pins and patches.
I like it when guys hug you and no matter how miserable you are, it makes it feel like everything will be Ok.
I like Grunge music.
I like not being scrawny.
I like drawing.
I like how geeky kids don't care what people think about them. Or maybe they're too busy with their Star Trek toys to notice.
I like how rats are just like little dogs.
I like comic books.
I love How Johnny is so delightfully raw and honest with his emotion. Even if he is insane.
I loved Luke for the same reason.
I like how josh "looks on the brightside" even when everything is going horribly wrong.
I like making my sister and my mom laugh.
I like sitting around talking to my mom.
I like going to the movies with Gary.
I like talking about music with my brother.
I like listening to Will play his guitar.
I like the color green.
I don't really like metal.
I get tired of wearing black.
I like how Chris is always concerned about me.
I like the fact that I don't do drugs.
I like it when guys think drugs are gross.
But I also like watching guys smoke. Go figure.
I've come to think that a guy SHOULD smell like ciggarettes.
I like it when guys smell like guys. Cologne is bad.
I like walking in the rain.
I like arguing over Gackt with Rob.
I like painting.
I like how Robbie is ALWAYS online, whenever I need him.
I like Japan.
I like anime.
I like JRock.
Sometimes I listen to BSB and rap music and even Hanson.
Nirvana will always be my favorite band.
I like being different.
I like watching nature documentaries.
I like the history channel.
I like how football players are nice, even though they're usually kinda dumb.
I love Kevin Smith movies.
I think extremists are funny and uptight. That goes for every cause, even the ones I'm for.
I like Scottish accents
I like guys in kilts.
I like northerners.
I like mythology.
I like talk shows.
I like some of the clothes in American Eagle.
I'd die before I'd wear them.
I like anything and everything written by Billy Corgan.
The same goes for Jhonen Vasquez.
I believe in unicorns.
I believe in dragons.
I believe love is all that matters.
Love can't pay the bills, and maybe "love doesn't conquer all," But it should.
I'm the luckiest person alive for finding my first true love at 14.
I'm lucky that I've finally fallen in love again.
I like video games.
I like guitar players.

This was all I could think of, off the top of my head. But its lost right now in the land of Brittany.

Thu, 02 Jan 2003 08:55:21 GMT

XDeadWeaselX: I'm all sad
A Way to Blue: ::hug:: why?
XDeadWeaselX: I don't know. I've been like this for a few weeks.
XDeadWeaselX: It isn't going away.
A Way to Blue: likewise
XDeadWeaselX: Do you feel like you're going to cry all the time?
A Way to Blue: mmhmm
XDeadWeaselX: weird
A Way to Blue: I have cried. Sunday, Monday, and Tueday
XDeadWeaselX: I cried...Saturday Monday and Tuesday.
XDeadWeaselX: I saw this goth guy and goth girl holding hands at the mall and I went in the bathroom and cried.
XDeadWeaselX: Thats just sad.
A Way to Blue: that sort of thing would make me smile. I like it when people are in love
XDeadWeaselX: It normally makes me smile too. But lately its just made me depressed.
XDeadWeaselX: I cry almost every night...I'm getting so sick of it.
XDeadWeaselX: I want everything to be happy and normal.
A Way to Blue: don't we all?
XDeadWeaselX: ::Sigh::
XDeadWeaselX: I'm going to church again on sunday.
A Way to Blue: by choice?
XDeadWeaselX: I dunno. Maybe that'll help, or something.
XDeadWeaselX: Yes, actually.
A Way to Blue: why would it help?
XDeadWeaselX: I don't know.
XDeadWeaselX: Couldn't hurt, anyway.
XDeadWeaselX: I'm beginning to think maybe the whole religion thing isn't so bad.
XDeadWeaselX: I'm not going to become a crazed bible thumper or anything
XDeadWeaselX: but maybe some spirituality would help
A Way to Blue: bible beaters are the ones that make it bad
XDeadWeaselX: Exactly...and unfortunately, my parents are bible beaters. I think thats why I've gotten away from religion. Because they won't stop shoving it in my face.
XDeadWeaselX: But i think maybe theres more to it than I want to believe..a certain person is helping me out a lot...
A Way to Blue: I could never get into religion. I've never been passionate about anything
XDeadWeaselX: I don't know how "passionate" about it I could become...I don't know if I'd really join a church or anything...But everyone needs something to believe in, you know? Maybe the fact that I have nothing is partially causing this emptyness. And I'm sick of feeling hollow.
A Way to Blue: yeah
XDeadWeaselX: Its just...my parents won't stop. "Believe this, or we'll take your computer." Doesn't that seem a little weird? Sort of like when the anglicans told the druids they would either convert or be burned. Sure, some of them probably "converted," but did they really beleive?
XDeadWeaselX: They probably just resented the hell out of whatever they were being told.
XDeadWeaselX: Smiled and nodded to keep from dying.
XDeadWeaselX: I want something to really BELEIVE in, not just whatever is being stuffed down my throat. I want religion to be a part of my life, but I want to find it for myself.
XDeadWeaselX: Not through parental blackmail.
A Way to Blue: "No daughter of mine is going to be a devil worshipping heathen!"
XDeadWeaselX: Thats pretty much the mentality. But I wouldn't worship the Devil anyway. I believe in God, but I want my specific set of beliefs to be formed by myself...I don't want to have to pretend to agree with everything they say to get them off my back.
XDeadWeaselX: I know they're just trying to "point me in the right direction" but they're going about it the wrong way.
A Way to Blue: they're shoving you, not pointing
XDeadWeaselX: I appreciate whatever help they're trying to give...but...I dunno.
A Way to Blue: shove shove shove
XDeadWeaselX: Exactly. And thats what I've been trying to tell them.
XDeadWeaselX: But they don't listen.
XDeadWeaselX: They NEVER listen.
XDeadWeaselX: I dunno. I'm glad I'm getting into church and all though. I need it. I just don't need THEIR input.
XDeadWeaselX: Because they can't just tell me what they think and leave me alone.
XDeadWeaselX: They have to start with the shoving.
XDeadWeaselX: Yeah...
XDeadWeaselX: I'm all talky.
XDeadWeaselX: Not normal for meee.
A Way to Blue: talky is good. especially since I'm the quiet one
XDeadWeaselX: I've been doing tons of thinking and stuff.
XDeadWeaselX: I think the main reason everyones so into saying "Religion sucks" Is because they think it makes them look all rebelious and cool.
XDeadWeaselX: Or maybe thats just the people in Columbus, I don't know.
XDeadWeaselX: I want to get away from them.
XDeadWeaselX: They care way too much about being considered "gothic"
A Way to Blue: yeah. F*** America! Oi! Punk rawk!
XDeadWeaselX: Exactly. And 99% of them have no clue what it all means.
XDeadWeaselX: The sad thing is, I didn't realize that until I met Will.
A Way to Blue: "Hi. I'm Alison. I like punk music. My favorite band is Blink 182"
XDeadWeaselX: And I was just like everyone else.
XDeadWeaselX: But now its all
XDeadWeaselX: SEE!?!?!
XDeadWeaselX: Everyones like that.
XDeadWeaselX: Now i'm all not afraid to be myself...but its chasing away the friends that I have HERE.
XDeadWeaselX: But then, my true friendships ARE getting stronger.
XDeadWeaselX: Because the people here are like
XDeadWeaselX: "I dont like religion. I need medication cuz I'm crazy. I'm more gothic than you. Lookit me, I'm all spooky."
XDeadWeaselX: and It gets so OLD.
XDeadWeaselX: Repetitive trivial bullcrap, and I don't want to be a part of it anymore.
A Way to Blue: "I love Marilyn Manson and Cradle of Filth and Type O Negative. I'm so goth"
XDeadWeaselX: If I hear that from anyone one more time I'm going to go insane.
XDeadWeaselX: I want a religion. I want my artwork, and my animals, and Will...I don't want to worry about my image anymore, and what people think about me...how goth I am, and what music I'm "supposed" to be listening to.
XDeadWeaselX: I love Luke, and I always will....but I just can't hang onto him forever.
XDeadWeaselX: Its time to let him go...and I'll probably go right back to saying "I love Luke" as soon as I'm feeling a bit less philosophical...but really...I need to just put away all my memories of him. Think of it as the best chapter in my life as of yet and let it go.
A Way to Blue: yep
XDeadWeaselX: I don't want to be this bitter, woe-is-me, introverted individual. But I can't help but thinking that so few people understand. I feel like everyone is mocking me, all the time, and I get angry for no reason. My parents think I'm just mean...But I feel like the few people who understand, I'll never get to see. and then my parents devalue that relationship I have with them, because its long-distance.
XDeadWeaselX: But all the people in columbus are the affore mentioned...and I can't relate to them at all.
XDeadWeaselX: I can get along with them, have pointless conversations, but thats about it. Theres no connection. All they do is sit around and compete and being "gothier than thou."
XDeadWeaselX: Its gets so old.
A Way to Blue: No one I know tries to be goth. Plenty of punk posers, though
XDeadWeaselX: I want to talk to people. I want to have actual conversation, about literature, and politics, and the environment, and music. I want to study animals, and do my artwork...but nobody here cares about any of that.
A Way to Blue: Oh wait, heather is goth. but she doesn't have a "gother than thou" attitude
A Way to Blue: I'd talk to you about music. Except you don't know many of the bands I like =\
XDeadWeaselX: Yeah...well...I'm not trying to say everyone else is a poser, and I'm the only one thats "real," though until recently I DID feel that way. I just want to be myself. forget about labels for a while, and focus on who I really AM.

Tue, 31 Dec 2002 22:51:09 GMT

Ugh...I was going to say a bunch of stuff, but now I dont feel like it. I'm in love with someone...he knows who he is, and I'm miserable because it can't work out..I dunno...
I got a cat today, she's the neatest cat ever, but my parents are making me take her back. ::sigh:: I don't want to go back to school...i just want to curl up and sleep for a couple of weeks. I wish Will would get online. I need to talk to someone.

Fri, 27 Dec 2002 03:16:48 GMT

Yesterday was Christmas. Whee...
I got...stuff...
Cd's - The Ramones Toughest Hits
The Vines - Outtathaway
Rammstein - Live Aus Berlin
Kittie - Oracle
Sarah McLachlin- Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (She isn't bad, but I didnt ask for it...My dad got it for me)
Pure Moods 1
I also got a shitload of clothes...My mom actually did pretty good picking them out...I got..
A Guns N' Roses Shirt
Tool Shirt
Pink Floyd- The Wall shirt (yay!)
Three pairs of plaid pants, each with different patterns...IVE WANTED SOME FOR SO LONG!
Pleather pants
Three other shirts, a little preppy, but wearable...theyre not so bad.
Two pairs of Jeans
I also got..
Purple leapord print sheets/blankets
An Encyclopedia of Animals book
A Drawing From Life book
A leapord print purse
A ton of bath stuff
A Hello Kitty Lamp
Kingdom Hearts
LoTR game for PS2
Dino Island (doesnt work, damnit)
New CD case
theres probably more...but I can't think of it...
We had to go out to eat yesterday at this stupid restaraunt...one of the expensive places where they give you way too many spoons and forks and everyone has on 1,000 dollar gowns. I refused to dress up...I had on spikes and everything, and this group of old ladies in fur coats kept staring at me. I hate it when people where fur. It makes me nauseated..they were all wearing the skins of diseased and abused animals, yet they were staring at ME like I was some kind of monster....whatever...
Anyway, Christmas was good..
I'm talking to someone I used to go out with..He just admitted he still has feelings for me, and I still have feelings for him too, so...yeah. We can't go out though...it would never work. But I won't get into that.
Plus, theres Josh.
Watch, Josh is going to read this, and then he'll hate me too. If he doesn't know by now that I care about him, then I dunno...I just hope he doesn't get too pissed from reading this. I can't seem to make anyone happy. I'm confused. everything I say seems to make SOMEBODY angry, so I don't think I'm even going to try anymore. Everyone I care about will leave before its over anyway. Thats the way it always goes.
I'm always this way. Morose, pitiful Brittany. I have so much to be grateful for. I don't know why I'm like this. That voice is always there, telling me I'm worthless, that nobody cares about me, that i'll never amount to anything. I can't hlp but listening...and my parents don't help.
Either way...I need to get over myself and stop acting like such a princess. I'm driving everyone away.

Wed, 25 Dec 2002 05:24:34 GMT

Everybody hates me.
And I deserve it.

I do have friends in Columbus...

And I've hurt them by not mentioning them in here, and I'm sorry...
But to Cassandra, and shawn, and Daniel, and Topaz, and Chase, and Chris, and everyone....I love you guys...despite what you may think.
You should all know me well enough by now to know that I say things without thinking at ALL...
My friends here have helped me through a lot...like that thing a few weeks ago with..."him"...shawn was there for me through that, when no one else was.
I'm so sorry for hurting you guys....and I hope that you can forgive me...if you cant I understand...but I want you all to know that I'm sorry.
Brittany

Tue, 24 Dec 2002 20:17:53 GMT

Joe Strummer
R.I.P
Father of Punk

London calling to the faraway towns
Now that war is declared and battle come down
London calling to the underworld
Come out of the cupboard all you boys and girls
London calling now don't look at us
All that phony Beatlemania has bitten the dust
London calling see we ain't got no swing
'Cept for the ring of that truncheon thing

The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in
Meltdown expected and the wheat is growing thin
Engines stop running but I have no fear
London is drowning and I live by the river

London calling to the imitation zone
Forget it, brother, you can go it alone
London calling upon the zombies of death
Quit holding out and draw another breath
London calling and I don't wanna shout
But while we were talking I saw you nodding out
London calling see we ain't got no highs
Except for that one with the yellowy eyes

The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in
Engines stop running and the wheat is growing thin
A nuclear error but I have no fear
London is drowning and I live by the river

Now get this
London calling yeah I was there too
An' you know what they said? Well some of it was true
London calling at the top of the dial
After all this won't you give me a smile?

I never felt so much alike

A red sun rises....blood has been spilled this night.

Tue, 24 Dec 2002 07:25:34 GMT

So I'm listening to Mariah Carey. Bite me.

I saw LoTR tonight....much better than the first one. Kick ass job on the graphics, and the Battle at Helm's Deep had to be the best battle scene in any movie ever. Besides that, there are Legolas and Aragorn. Two guys in one movie, so there ya go. Liv Tyler can bite me. She actually complained about having to kiss Aragorn in the movie.
Bitch.
Hmm..
Oh, and Jeff nearly ruined the movie, if thats possible. Annoying, hunchbacked little geeky guy. Which would all be fine, if he were't the most irritating, mind numbingly dense human being that I have had the misfortune to meet. He sat through the entire movie, and still didn't know the names of any of the characters by the end. Little things like that..pisses me off, but oh well, I don't have to deal with them that often anyway. I just said "them" when referring to Jeff...funny how even in my subconcious I despise ALL those that surround me. Honestly, only one person I've known has ever provided relief from the trvial, maddening noise that my "Friends" fill my head with. But he isn't around anymore. Everyone I know goes away, in the end, to quote Trent Reznor.
Just noticed my writing resembles bad goth poetry. Funny, that.
It seems all I have now are Josh, Will, and Rob. The only people I have that I can have actual conversation with. Still, the one who truly understands has been torn way. Possibly for good.
I won't say his name...too many people I know read this.
But they've destryed him.
...he's a shadow of the person that he was, if that. He seems..hollow. I think his parents are finally wearing him down. I can only pray to God they're not. Doesn't matter, I'll never see him again anyway.
And I do care about Josh. I know it doesn't sound like it....he makes me so happy, and he's so funny...but I'm afraid to get too attatched. what if he gets taken away, like ..."he" did? I don't know if I can deal with that pain again. I don't want to hurt anymore....I just want it all to shut up and go away.
And Will. Will looks like Axl Rose. Need I say more? Heh no, Will is so much fun to talk to, he's a great friend, one of the few people that doesnt make me want to go into fits of projectile vomiting. Too bad it didn't work out between us. Still, one of the best friends I have...
and Rob. Ha...how long have I know Vampy? Seems like forever...I can tell him anything, and he doen't judge. Maybe its becaue he's too lazy to really care, but I like to PRETEND that he does. XD
But Rob's been there for me through EVERYTHING, even before "him"...thats longer than any friend I've had. I owe him so much for that.

The people In Columbus...I've already voiced my opinions on them.

Christ, this has been a long-ass entry. Just a buildup of mental sewage, I guess. either way, I need sleep. Sleep is good...and if a certain person is reading this, please contact me...you know who you are. I miss you. You have no idea how much...or maybe you do....and thats why I love you.
Spanky

Sun, 22 Dec 2002 04:28:56 GMT

Thursday I went to a school play. It was.... interesting...I'm not too sure what it was all about, due to the large,obnoxious group of black guys behind me that insisted on caling my friend, Shawn, a "Fag." Shawn played a female role,and he did a damn good job of it. I'd like to see any of those steroid enhanced muscle bound idiots go up there and do half as good a job as he did...they wouldn't have the balls to, anyway. They sat behind me the entire time, giggling and saying. "He's a fag, you can tell cuz he's playin' a girl." I finally turned around and told them they shouldn't judge people they don't know....they asked me why I always wear black.
Yeah....
Oh! and Josh Mckeein was in the play, too. :Twitch: He was so...:Cough:
Change of subject.
I stayed home from school and saw Nemesis yesterday.
Sweet Holy Mother Of Jesus.
Shinzon.
I. Have. Never. Seen. Anything. Like. Shinzon.
His wonder cannot be put into words.
He is so incredibly incredible.
And he's so BEAUTIFUL!! Handsome is really not the word for him...he is truly beautiful...even near the end, when he's pale and veiny...He's still amazingly attractive.
Everything about him is so graceful, the way he moves, and the things he says...even his voice...
When he says to Picard..."Don't be so Vain..."
::Dies::
And at the end...after Picard impales him on the post...and he pulls himself on it to be closer to Picard...
I cried, I really did, and if you know me, you know I don't cry at movies.
::Sigh:: He reminded me so much of someone I used to know. His personality, and his contempt...he even looked like him...especially the smile and the greih white eyes..but I won't get into that. I'll get emotional.
Anyway...
I was supposd to go to a party tonight, but Cassandra decided she didn't want me to go, so whatever. I'm not much in the mood to socialize right now anyway. But I really should get out more. I'm beginning to forget what sunlight is.

Thu, 19 Dec 2002 01:00:15 GMT

I'm getting Kingdom Hearts in a week. Whoopee.
I'm going to save $200 dollars and buy a black chuihuahua. It might piss Axl off though. Yeah...
Bored. The GAP love train commercial is on. I like that commercial. ::Hangs head in shame::
I also want a cat named Chairman Meow. I might get one this weekend. Five bucks at One Stop Pet Shop.
Yep.
I need to see LoTR, Or I'll die. Legolas... ::Twitch::

Wed, 18 Dec 2002 01:13:36 GMT

So. My parents have decided it would be in my best interest to take my computer. Well, not my computer, exactly, just my ability to recieve IMs. You see, I have those good, southern baptist - heathen hating type parents, Which is all well and good...for them. I generally approach religion with sarcasm, which they are completely incabable of handling. Its not that I don't beleive in God, I simply can't stand people who want everyone to think exactly as they do...Its on the same lines as saying "I hate gay people because I'm straight." Its just as absurd and ignorant.
so anyway, I was forced to attend a Christmas play at a church sunday...It was your typical holiday thing, the story of Jesus and all, no big deal.
When I got home from school today, My mom said. "I think its time you got off the internet."
Wait a second.
You see, the internet for me is not just entertainment, as it is for many people. Not just a simple recreational passtime....I live in Columbus Georgia. The people here are, at best, irritating, prejudiced, country hicks who's idea of a good time is beating up the goth kids and shooting things. The internet is the only way I have to communicate with people who are generally on the same level as me. My best friends in the world live several hundred miles away....without the internet I'm doomed to life as an anti-social hermit.
If I don't have the internet, that means no more Josh, no more Robbie, no more Will, no more anyone...I'm not sure I can deal with that. I suppose I'll have to...
They say my online friends are corrupting me...I simply can't get them to beleive that it's the children of THEIR friends who are actually the least religious. Oh no not them, they come from good, god fearing families. Its those damned big city kids, and their radical ideas. And we all know that Brittany is completely incapoable of normal thought processes. She is only fifteen, after all.
But honestly, the only reason I say these things to my mom is because it makes her angry. I want someone else to hurt the way I do. Selfish and cruel I know, but remember Columbine? You can only take so much before you have to give some back.
anyway, I'm not sure just how serious she is about all this.
I suppose I'll have to wait it out and see.
I can't stop crying.
I need to sleep.

I'm so tired, I can't sleep, I'm anemic royalty...
Blah.
This is getting old, this constant noise. I wish I could shut it off.That would be prefect... A little switch for my brain.
I can dream, cant I?

Tue, 17 Dec 2002 03:11:10 GMT

Ah. My first entry.I should probably tell you about myself, but I wont. Only that I probably don't like you, and If You are one of the few people who brighten my generally dreary day, you know who you are. Feel happy and revel in your specialness. God, chocolate ice cream would be great right now.